Holiday Hookah... and Angels.

You know what I love?  CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You know what I love more than Christmas?  Christmas movies.  My top Christmas movies:
The Grinch: "You're the, the, the-" "The, the, the... THE GRINCH."
The Christmas Story: 3 words: the Leg Lamp.
The Holiday
The Muppets Christmas Carol (Yes.)
The Santa Clause
Every single clay movie that is shown on ABC Family

Isn't the atmosphere what we all love about the holidays?  The smell of Christmas, the warm fuzzy (cliche, I know) feelings we get, the incessant need to cuddle, being with your family (most of the time), the religious mixed with the fantastical... It's like taking a big puff from a holiday hookah.  You get high from those feelings.  Oh wait, is that just me?

Reason #2 Christmas is awesome.  Let's take a walk down Christmas Drive.  Follow Saint Nicholas Day Lane to Christmas Eve Street, then off to Christmas Cove... Keep going.  What's that you see?  Anna's Birthday Celebration Gated Community?!!?!?!?  That's right.

Jesus blessed me with the best birthday ever.  His own.  But I wasn't born that day.  I wasn't ready.  So I waited two days; but my Dad was out of town.  So I came the next day with a vengeance.  December 28th is the day that will one day become a National Holiday.  Here's the bad news.  I'm going to be a senior citizen, aka 22 years old.  Oye vey!  Where has the time gone?  Guess I need to live it up these last 12 days (but who's counting) of freedom.

Reason #3 Christmas is awesome.  Christmas cookies.  I made some the other day for a few friends.  I showed the pictures to Dad.  The conversation that follows is an interpretation of actual events:
Dad: Those look great, Anna B!  You should make some for the folks at my office.
Anna: How much are you going to pay me?
Dad: How much?!  What do you mean how much?!
Anna: How much for the cookies?
Dad: I'm not going to pay you!
Anna: I need to make some money if I'm going to invest that kind of time.
Dad: Well, how much would you charge?
Anna: $50 for 4  dozen cookies.
Dad: Ok, sounds good.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Business is booming.  You think my Christmas cookies aren't work 50 big babies?  Check this out:

Good stuff, right?

Reason #4 Christmas rules.  FINALS ARE OVER.  Grades are in.  And guess who won the Medieval battle.  Yours truly.  After fearing for a C in an English class, or worse a D (gasp!) I was elated when I received a B.  An A would have been perfection but sometimes you gotta take what you can get.  

Now on to the sadness.  I'm depressed that I won't get to spend the holidays with the boyfriend this year. Last year was so magical, but this year is reality.  Magical > reality.  Boyfriend will be in Mississippi selling fireworks... but good news- he has been promoted!  I'm happy for him, but I am selfish and want to be with him during this special time.  Holidays we won't spend together this season: Christmas Eve, Christmas, my birthday, New Year's Eve, his birthday- wah wah wahhhhhhhhh.  Somehow, I think I'll get over it.  I might need a few hershey kisses though...

This is the REALLY sad part.  My roommate has a sister, her sister has a friend, this friend has twin babies.  One of them died.  The details aren't important, it isn't my story to tell.  I don't even know this family, for goodness sake.  What does matter, though, is that this sweet little girl has been taken away from her Mama, Daddy, and sister.  It just isn't right.  Every time something like this happens, I just look up to the sky and ask, "Why?!!!"  It has not and will not ever make sense to me.  As my mom says, "God wanted them."  That answer doesn't fulfill me though.  I have come up with my own theory.

These blessed people, that are always wonderful, that are taken from us weren't ever really human to start with.  My theory is that these people were really angels, not people.  God only gave them to us for only a short while so we could get a taste of what angels are like.  God knows that they are only going to be here for a little while, so He tries to get them to touch as many lives as possible while they are here on Earth.  Isn't it the strangest thing... their stories always travel throughout the country and the globe.  

I developed this theory after Susan died and I had nothing else to hang on to.  I think Susan was an angel who was given directions by God before she was born.  Unfortunately, she didn't remember this.  She didn't know she was an angel until she was gone.  She couldn't remember, or else she would blow the cover.  The thing about angels, is that they have to get a lot done in a very short period of time.  They have to do a lot of really great things, really fast.  They have to scratch off the things on their to-do list before they go, or else.  Think about someone you have lost that you thought was robbed of a full life... Was she an angel; was he?  I think I'm right.

The moral of my theory is to pray for people, even if you don't know them.  Your prayers might just be what they need.  It might help them get out of bed tomorrow or smile a bit tonight.  I ask that you pray for this family, who could need prayers more than a mother who just lost her 20 month old baby?  No one.  

I'm one of the lucky ones because I have so many angels by this point in my life.  They let me know when they're around, too.  It's funny; just look around and you'll see them.  You might even see their faces.  Sometimes, if you just close your eyes and breathe in, you can feel them right next to you.  That's what they want, because they're angels.  So let them love you, and let them take care of you.

Cracked.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have always been very sensitive.  If you do something mean to me, chances are I'll cry about it.  This is hard for me to admit because I like to pretend like I'm a big ole hard-ass (some of the time), but I'm just not.

When I was in the fourth grade, I met with one of my teachers for a conference and she told me I was too sensitive; that she could never give me constructive criticism about my work without tears welling up in my eyes.  That would be because I like to be the best at everything, especially academics.  If I don't do well on a test or paper in my eyes, I cry... which has happened several times this semester.  Clearly, finals week isn't my favorite time of the year.  I am like a baby in that if I am very tired, sleepy, or hungry, I am much more likely to cry.

Welcome to finals week.

Although I've only had one final (wait! don't let that fool you!) on Monday alone, I had 40 books to read, a 25 poem poetry file to do, and a research paper.  I had my final yesterday (I only had ONE hour of sleep and made a B, NOT okay), and today I had to turn in my 10-15 page paper.  Oye vey.  I haven't gotten more than 3 hours of sleep a night since last Friday.  I have taken a few naps here and there, but it just ain't the same (I know this is grammatically incorrect, but it is geographically correct, suckas).  I've gotta tell ya, this week has been very difficult for me to complete, but now I'm done!!! But I cried... a lot.  When I am under supreme amounts of stress, I'm much more susceptible to emotional trauma, and guess what?  It came.

So much has been going on in my life lately.  I am practically making myself sick about where I will be next year and what I will be doing.  Graduate school is my numero uno choice, but I don't find out about that until APRIL.  I haven't gotten to see my boyfriend much, and won't see him until January because of his work schedule.  Ugh.  Which means I won't get to see him for Christmas, my birthday, New Year's Eve, OR his birthday... joy to the world.  This has been my most difficult semester, academically, to note since I've been in college.  You know those classes that you spend most of your time on and only spend a few hours a few on the other ones?  I've been taking only those classes this semester.  I don't like making Bs and I have been.  I don't like Bs because they aren't As.

I digress.

Here's the situation: I am a sensitive lady.  I don't like to be made fun of;  IT ISN'T FUNNY.  So what happened this week?  You guessed it!  Made fun of.  I generally have a complete and utter emotional breakdown about once a year, sometimes once a semester.  Guess what happened yesterday?  BREAK.DOWN.

Sometimes all it takes is one little tap to send you over the edge.  But this wasn't a tap, it was a shove, except they didn't know it, they thought it was funny.  It is my understand that many objects of the male species find certain things funny that us females just don't.  Examples: the word "bitch," jokes involving sex or the sexual organs, physical violence, alcohol-induced stupidity, cheating, lying, cursing... you get the point.  I didn't grow up around boys, except for my Dad, and he's a deviation from the species, he's my Dad.  I grew up with my Mom and Dad, no one else in the house, generally.  They never told me I was ugly or fat or unintelligent or a loser.  Because they are great parents, and even greater friends.  Even after being in high school I guess I'm still not used to it.  In my mind, everyone loves me until proven otherwise.


Okay, I get it.  You've made your point.  You don't like me.  I'm sorry that you and your posse don't like me.  I really am.  I wish they did like me.  I've tried everything to be sweet, nice, friendly, and enjoyable to all.  I have tried to do everything nice (above and beyond that, even) that I can think of and apparently it didn't work.  But, like the Rolling Stones said, "You can't always get what you want..."

So, there you have it.  They cracked me.  I'm not superwoman, just a regular gal with tear ducts like everyone else.  Here's the good news.  I've become MUCH more aware of my actions and the things I say and do to others.  I never want to make anyone feel the way I have felt the past two days.  I guess all I can do is pray that they realize the hurt they have caused and learn not to do it again, to someone else.

Don't forget to love.

Insanity.

Even though I SHOULD be doing my mass amounts of homework, get ready for it...
40 book cards on, ta da! 40 books... of which I have only done 11.  Okay, that isn't exactly true.  This morning I had only done 11.  Now I'm up to 20.  Halfway done!
A 25 poem poetry file (poems that I have to relate to 25 books)... none done.
A medieval drama paper which has caused me more emotional trauma than middle school.  HOWEVER, I got a horrible horrible grade that actually made me cry (I'm so obsessive about my grades right now. Hello?! Grad school!)  BUT, I got my SECOND draft (meaning I wrote an entire paper on the same subject TWICE... 8 pages twice = 16 pages) of my paper back and I made a B!!!!!!!!! I have never been happy about a B on a paper in my life.  In fact, I'm usually pissed about a B; but in this miserable class, a B is heaven on a bed of whipped cream.  I have only written 8 pages out of 10-15.

Now that my pity party is over, I will give you the REAL information.  Yesterday I downloaded (and payed for) THE MOST AWESOME WORD PROCESSOR EVER.  Really.  I'm being serious.  It's so fancy, it was made just for writers.  Do you love it?!  I do.  There are all these different templates for different types of writing.  For example, there is one template for fiction, inside that template are more templates of which to choose from: novel, novel (with parts), and short story.  Are you dying?!!  Inside the template is another surprise!  You can organize your settings, characters, chapters, and scenes.  It's so awesome!!!!!!!!  It's called Scrivener.  You should buy it, especially if you are a writer.  Here is a pic.

Now I'm going to suckle down the rest of my 5 hour energy and read... some more.  Oy vey.

OH WAIT.  I forgot.

I got an email from the University of Arkansas that I got generally accepted into the Graduate School!  Which isn't really that big of a deal, but it's one step closer to being accepted to the MFA program.  Please keep saying prayers that my writing will shine in the eyes of the person who determines whether or not I am accepted.  My anxiety level is at an all time high.

Give Thanks.

Wow… That last post was interesting.  I don’t really remember writing that.  I must have been doped up from getting my wisdom teeth removed.  In case you were wondering, yes, it hurt.

The week of Hell I referred to was just that.  I spent nearly 12 lovely hours sitting in the ICU of the hospital waiting on a dear friend to come off a ventilator after a little too much to drink.  Luckily, he is fine, thanks to all the prayers of my sweet friends.  I met with my evil teacher again and she made me cry, again.  I re-wrote an entire 10 page paper last night.

Catch-up time is now over.

Even though it isn’t technically Thanksgiving anymore, I wanted to do a little post about all the things I am thankful for in my life.  I’m going to hit this in the most organized fashion, list-style.  Here goes…

I (Anna Beard) am thankful for:

-my precious kittens, Janie (Jane Austen) and Emmie (Emily Dickinson)

-my AMAZING friends, near and far; I just don’t think I could survive this hectic life without them

-my unparalleled family, they love me more than anyone ever can or will

            -this includes my Mom, Dad, sister, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother, nephew, nephew, nephew, neice, neice, grandfather… all of whom bless my life every single day

-my saint of a boyfriend, the love of my life, the yin to my yang

-my sweet Kappa D sisters

-my boyfriend’s wonderful family who has made me feel so very welcome

-my fully functioning brain (even though sometimes it lets me down)

-my ability to go to the best college not just in the world, but in the SEC (Hotty Toddy!)

-the many roofs that I have over my head at different periods in my life: home, school, lake

-the food that I get to eat, every day… and the food that I CHOOSE to stuff my face with

-my sweet roommates, who still love me even after living with me!

-my mom and dad (yes they were mentioned above, but I just love those cuties so much!)

-my phone… I know this looks bad.  But a girl’s gotta have her phone!  How else would I talk to my parents?

-all my books… I would be a sad girl without them

-my sense of humor

-the gift of knowing and befriending so many amazing people in my life

-being able to even know Susan was a gift that I am truly thankful for, she changed my life for the better.

-the existence of Disney… think about what life would be like if Walt Disney never existed…

-my boyfriend’s grandmother, G, she is one amazing lady and bring joy into my life

-the chance to know all of my grandparents, even though all of them are dead except one (Pepaw), I was given this gift and cherished every moment of it

-Pepaw… even though he’s turning into a looney tune, he is a kind and compassionate man

-the fabric that clothes my body and keeps me safe

-my current and continuing education
-CHRISTMAS, Christmas decorations, and the month of December in general (my birthday month)

-my best friend "Charlotte," she is my female counterpart, we are two peas, without her I would not exist

-ALL the gifts God has given me, I am amazed everyday!

That’s all I can think of for now.  Stay thankful for all the gifts that we have been given in our lives.  And keep your hearts open.  

Ouch...

I REALLY wanted to write today about this past week... also known as The Week of Hell.  However, I got my wisdom teeth taken out today.  And it really hurts.  I haven't eaten or had anything to drink since 7:00 pm last night so I think it's safe to say I'm a little cranky.
So I guess my interesting post will have to wait for another day.
I have to remove my bloody gauze now.

Senior year fun? HA!

Hello friends.  My deepest apologies for not writing in over a month.  This just in: Senior year isn’t easy OR fun.  Here’s a little update of what’s been going on over the past month:

I applied to the University of Arkansas for a MFA in Creative Writing (PLEASE say a prayer that I get in)

I’ve been reading approximately three/four books a week

I became a godmother

I went to a wedding

I cried

I laughed

I danced

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I can tell you the real story.  As I stated, I applied to the University of Arkansas.  I’m constantly sweating and panicked that I’m not going to get in and what I’m going to do if I don’t get in.  But then Jake rubs my back and reminds me not to stress.  I just have to remember that if I don’t get in then that wasn’t the plan for me.  Right?...

The real fun was this past weekend.  Jake and I went to his brother’s wedding.  It was ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.  Might I add that I was totally jealous?  There were so many happy couples there.  I want to spend my life just like they are.  It seems that their lives are simple but full of happiness.  What more could a person wish for?  Life has been beyond amazing lately in my relationship with Jake and all I want to do is spend the rest of my life with him.  I know, I know; we’re too young, we don’t have ANY money, and we aren’t ready for that kind of commitment.  But, have you ever been so in love that all you want to do is start your life with that person as quickly as possible?  I have.  And for all you characters that think I’m here getting my “MRS degree” consider this:

Before I met Jake I told my dad to get rid of the money he and my mom had saved up for my wedding.  I’m serious.  I told him to buy himself something nice.  I had totally give up on love and then one day in our African American Studies class I changed my mind…

That’s enough mushy stuff for now.

Am I the only one have a miserably intense senior year?  I thought it was supposed to be full of boozing and cruisin’?  Wrong again, ghostwriter.  My classes are unbelievably difficult and I have recently developed a bit of a throw down with one of my teachers.  She’s a real bitch.  The main reason I don’t like her is because she has given me bad grades.  In a perfect world, I would get nothing lower than an A but this woman has actually had the ballz to give me a 0 on a 10 point quiz WHEN I WAS THERE.  The nerve!  THEN, I went to visit with her during her office hours and she attacked me like I was a communist.  I can’t handle it.  To top it all off, I have a 15 page paper due in her class tomorrow.  Oye.  I can’t wait for this semester to end.

The GOOD news is that I will be going home for ELEVEN days on Wednesday.  Bliss, pure bliss.  I will probably have to get my wisdom teeth taken out, but those babies are getting on my nerves anyway.  Oh no, I just realized my grades will probably be worse next semester without my wisdom teeth.  Ha.  Ha.  (Get it?)  I made a funny.

I’m ready for Thanksgiving and I believe I will do an extra special post for that wonderful holiday.  I’m now off to stick my face in another book (Can you believe it?!!?!?!)  Saveeeeeeeeeeeee meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.  Help me, Tom Cruise!

Keep your hearts open.

Oxford, Mississppi: my life, my love, my home.

“On Friday nights before Ole Miss home games, Oxford’s courthouse square becomes a mini-New Orleans.  By 9 o’clock, the sidewalks are filled with students and alumns.  Sorority girls in cocktail dresses and high heels stroll from bar to bar, while frat brothers whoop it up in front of Proud Larry’s, Rooster’s and other noisy hangouts.  Later, a few of the more literary types will be visiting nearby St. Peter’s Cemetery, where spilling a shot of bourbon on Faulkner’s grave is an honored tradition.  It’s ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ meets ‘Animal House,’ part fashion show, part pep rally and part hangover in the making.”

These are the words of Bill Thomas in the Washington Post after his visit to Oxford, Mississippi.  (I intend to shoot him an email about a few of errors in his piece.)  There it is.  I can’t keep it a secret anymore!  I go to Ole Miss.  Loud and proud, I proclaim my loyalties.  The University of Mississippi, that school, Ole Miss: whatever you call it, we all know it is a cultural phenomenon.  Whether or not you like it, you have to admit this as fact.  Because it is. 

The first time I saw what is now my home; I was a mere fifteen-year-old girl.  I even remember what I was wearing.  Is that weird?  I came with my best friend and her parents, they went to college here.  Right when we drove onto campus I said, “This is where I’m going to college.”  And I did. 

I could talk for days about how awesome Ole Miss is, but I’ll save you the time.  What really makes Ole Miss so special is the atmosphere; from times to come and times past.  I began studying African American studies my sophomore year in a class where I met Jake!  I have gone on to unofficially make it my second minor.  Where could be a better place to study African American history?  I once went to the special collections section of the library and read folders upon folders of negative and positive letters written to James Meredith when he came to Ole Miss.  There was a lot of negativity from white folks then, but you should see the positive letters.  They are astounding. 

I have walked the same streets as Archie and Eli Manning, Barry Hannah, Willie Morris, James Meredith, William Faulkner, Barack Obama, and John McCain.  How many people can attest to that?  Not many. 

William Faulkner is everywhere.  You can see him and read him and feel him.  I was not originally a Faulkner fan, but now I am a bit obsessed.  Have you ever been to his home, Rowan Oak?  If you’re a fan of Faulkner, and even if you aren’t, you need to go before the end of your lifetime.  You can just feel him lurking around the halls, irritated that people are using his house as a spectacle for a bunch of weirdos.  You can even see his handwriting on the walls of his office turned bedroom when he could no longer make it up the stairs.  I believe he died in the room, and I knew he was there when I walked inside.    

The food in Oxford is to be envied by many.  We all know Southern food is far superior to any other but these guys have really got it down.  It’s so good it will make you want to slap your momma.  Food + wine + Oxford = Enjoyment.  People really know how to live down here.  Coming from Little Rock, I was quite manic and high strung when I came down here, but that ended real quick.  People drive, eat, drink, and talk slow.  Don’t let that fool you for one minute that we aren’t as smart as those up North.  In fact, I’m certain many of my teachers are better than those at Ivy League universities.  They are great because they are actually writers.  Therefore they actually know what they are doing.

The shopping is great here too.  But I’m not talking about clothes or make-up (though we have that a-plenty).  I’m talking about BOOKS!  Square books, to be exact.  You see, Oxford, Mississippi is the playground for the literary.  Ole Miss led me to find my way as a reader and a writer.  How could you not enjoy such things down here?

Then, there’s The Grove.  Football is like religion down here.  But not to me.  You know what I like about The Grove?  The drinks.  Mimosas, specifically.  I find it strange that everyone doesn’t dress up to go to a football game.  We have a type of attire here called “Grove Wear.”  If you don’t dress right, we sure will stare at you funny.  They say the most beautiful women in the world go to Ole Miss.  It’s a tough life out there with all the competition.  But I don’t know if we are actually the most beautiful.  I think instead we are the most detail oriented in the vein of beauty.  We work pretty hard to look so nice.

Why do I love Oxford and Ole Miss so much?  I think it’s because they gave so much to me.  Friends, lovers, tears, laughter, and so much more.  But I think I owe Ole Miss most for the lessons it has taught me.  How can a place teach lessons, you ask?  Well, why don’t you come down and see for yourself?  I can make a believer out of you.