Trying to make sense of it all...

Yesterday I heard horrible news, just horrible. A family friend and neighbor of mine passed away. He was only 20.

I was volunteering at Vacation Bible School when I heard this awful news… by email, I might add. My heart is absolutely broken for this spectacular family. They should not have to suffer in this excruciatingly painful way.

I know God has a plan for all of us, but sometimes it is hard to understand why He does the things He does. I have become stronger in my faith since Susan’s death, hoping to find answers to the many questions I have. After almost a year and about a million tears, I have finally come to the realization that Susan isn’t coming back. I always knew that she was gone but for some reason I expected to see her again. I had hope that death wasn’t the end of our friendship. I have peace knowing Susan is in heaven and with God now.

I have tried to understand and explain and rationalize why these young, beautiful people are taken away from us so suddenly. It can’t be explained; this is all I know.

Today I was working in the kitchen at Vacation Bible School and was talking to one of the priests and another woman named Betty that I was working with. I explained to them that I was going to Susan’s memorial this weekend and I have been feeling overwhelmed. I told them that I couldn’t make it to my neighbor’s funeral because I was going to Susan’s memorial. I told them that Susan’s older brother had died ten years before in a similar way. After the priest left, Betty told me that she had lost her first son in a car accident and her second son three years later to a skiing accident.

I felt so cruel talking about these people that I knew that had died, when she had suffered more than I have ever (and hopefully will ever) known. I told her how sorry I was and she calmly said that it was ok. “Whenever something like this happens, I feel for the parents,” she said. How could she not? She could more than sympathize for them; she could empathize. I asked her how she ever got on with her life and got over it. This wasn’t the right phrase but she knew what I meant. I have thought about Susan’s parents every day since she has been gone and wanted to understand how they might be coping. “You don’t ever get over it,” she said, “You just have to move on with your life. They would want me to live my life and be happy. I know that God is walking with me every day and I take comfort in that.”

This woman’s experience and story helped me today. I understand that I will never be able to know all the answers: how, when, or why someone dies. I believe in the afterlife because I have to. It would all be too painful without heaven.

All the strength and prayer I have in my body goes out to this family that is suffering so greatly now. I can only hope that they will be able to find comfort through knowing that their precious son is in heaven, with Susan.