Lil Wayne, wanna be my boyfriend?

I have recently (in the past 3 years of college…I’ve been in college for 3 years?!!) developed a passion, nay, an obsession for rap music.  The other day on VH1 I saw an interview with a producer in the music biz.  He said that there is a completely new demographic that has developed for the rap/hip-hop genre: white kids.

21 year old, rhythmically challenged, booty shakin’ white girls.  This would mean: me.  I have never been much of a dancer, which I think is because I’m so tall and have such tiny feet (5’8”, size 6 shoe).  You know how horses sometimes get tangled within their own feet?  That’s me.  I was voted the least likely to know every word to “I’m Single” by Lil Wayne on Friday night by my friends.  But guess what?  I did.

I believe my obsession with rap music and all that it entails began my sophomore year of college when we were told that T.I. would be going to jail.  I didn’t really think anything of it until I started watching his show on MTV, “T.I.’s Road to Redemption.”  What a heart melter that show was.  I may or may not have cried once or twice. 

T.I. was arrested and sentenced to hardcore jail time because cops (aka high school heroes looking for balls to bust) found a few guns in his house.  Ok, there were more than a few guns but that doesn’t matter.  What matters is the story.  After a late night bar brawl in Cincinnati, some hardcore dudes followed T.I. and his besties in a bit of a car chase.  The bad guys were shooting guns in T.I.’s direction.  They were all ducking and covering but a few of the bullets hit Philant Johnson, aka Phil.  Phillly was T.I.’s BFF, personal assistant, AND a worker for Grand Hustle Records. 

T.I. became obsessed with keeping his friends and family safe after this horrible tragedy.  I know he shouldn’t have had the guns, but what’s a boy to do?  He was trying to keep his children and fiancé safe!  In addition to his 1,000 hours of community service, T.I. did 864 extra hours through his television show.

Guess where T.I. was in jail?  Forrest City, Arkansas.  This is a town that is only an hour or so from my hometown.  I begged my parents to let me go see him to no avail.  I wonder if I had just walked in there they would have let me chat with him.  I also though about writing him a letter.  “Dear T.I., I’m sorry you’re in jail but at least you aren’t Dead and Gone.  I hope they let you do Whatever You Like.  I hope when you get out of jail you can still Live Your Life.”  I never wrote this letter but have always been pleased with how clever I am.  He was in the federal, white collar prison so I’m pretty sure he did fine.

To further my obsession, a few weeks ago I watched the Behind the Music: Lil Wayne.  Oh. My. God.  Even though he’s a little shorty (I have a HUGE problem with short men, mainly because I tower over them and it’s awkward) he’s a cutie with a booty.  I could probably give you a play by play of the whole show.  He loves his weed, that’s for sure.  He was sucking on a bleezy aka a blunt the whole time.  He also discussed his love for purple drank, purple sprite, or sizurp aka cough syrup in a cup.  “You shouldn’t care what’s in my cup.  It doesn’t matter if it’s heroine in there.  It’s my cup.” 

What is so amazing to be about Lil Weezy is that he doesn’t write any of his lyrics down!  He used to, until he realized he was too good for those shenanigans.  The last time he wrote anything down, he recorded every lyric he had written in his notebook at the time.  Supposedly on the tape you can hear him ripping the pages out of his notebook as he continuously rapped for 45 minutes.  Holy balls, that is a long time.  After this, he never wrote anything down. 

For the love of everything sacred, even if you don’t like rap music, please listen to at least one of his songs.  He doesn’t write anything down.  Do you get that?!  He is a true artist.  He just pulls these amazing and sometimes hilarious phrases out of his head.  Might I make a suggestion of which songs to try out?  My faves are: A Milli (which Jake called A Thousand), Mr. Carter, Lollipop(Remix), and I particularly love his No Ceilings Mixtape of which my favorite tune is his re-do of I’ve Got a Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas. 

“Party on the beach,

Pa - party on the beach,

Party animal baby let me of the leash,

I got my weed from the west,

My pills from the east,

And 2 bottles of goose that's geese.”

He’s funny and what’s even better about Lil Wayne is that he knows just how clever he is.  Sometimes he even laughs.  I picture him being like, “Yeah, I’m that good.”  I wonder what Lil Wayne would say if he saw June and I getting ready to go out while listening to his tunes.  She throws out her favorite lines here and there while I virtually quote his every line.  I think he would laugh and think we’re awesomely cool ladies.  He might even take us out for a little drinkie.

“I was drinking when I came

When I got here I did the same

I don’t like beer I like champagne

So cheers to Lil Wayne.”

I like champagne too, Lil Wayne, I have a bottle in my fridge.  Wanna come over for a drink?  I’ll pop some champagne like we won the championship game.  Cause I ball hard, no bitch we ball harder.