My wish.

I have come to a sad but true realization today: no one will ever love me as much as my parents do.  As much as I wish everyone loved me, it has become quite clear to me that they do not.  I like to say that I had an abnormal childhood- an abnormally awesome childhood.  My parents gave me everything I needed and more.  I couldn’t have asked for anything better.  They fostered my emotional, physical, and spiritual growth.  I’m pretty sure I was the luckiest and happiest kid alive.

I’m still lucky when it comes to my parents.  When I ask them for advice, they give it to me.  They don’t throw around possible answers, they are straight shooters, always have been, always will be.  They are not condescending to me and have always comforted me in my many moments of grief and confusion.  They have always told me to do what makes me happy, so many children are not given that opportunity.  I have faced very few restraints and have taken advantage of all the blessings they have bestowed upon me.  They have given me the tools to succeed.

But how could anyone love me as much as my parents?  They have loved me from my first moment on this earth and every day since then.  They have watched me grow and held my hand along the way.  Sometimes I wonder if anyone understands me as my parents do.  I have so many different facets to who I am as a person that sometimes it is difficult for one person to see every side.  I’m a dreamer, a thinker, a lover, a crier, a laugher, a writer, a reader, a trier, a dancer, a singer, a composer, a prayer, an eater, a swimmer, a listener, an artist… so many more things, too.  I don’t want someone to write me off as just one of these things.

For someone so young, I have seen a lot of love.  I have had lots of relationships that have allowed me to understand and develop different types of love.  I have felt the love of a sister and the love of a friend.  Sometimes these roles can be interchangeable.  I know it sounds silly, but being in a sorority has given me hundreds of friends that I never would have met.  It has led me to my best friends in college.  They love me for me, and that is something that is hard to find.  If you are against the greek system, that’s fine.  I only ask that you respect how it has helped me in my life overcome many of the personal battles I have faced.  I have felt the love of family and parents.  I have felt the powerful love of lovers, old and new.  I knew what soul mates looked like before I was 7.  What wonderful examples I was given.  Maybe that’s why I have always looked for so many distinct qualities in a man until I have found one that fulfills each and every one of my standards.

When I was in high school and struggling with boy problems mixed with friend problems, my mom told me, “Anna, this is the first time in your life that everyone hasn’t loved you for exactly who you are.”  Even after her words of wisdom I still struggle with my insecurities when I feel as if people do not like, or even love me.  So, dear reader, this is just one more insight to my life that you may not have known.  Please respect and take into consideration my words I have used to describe myself.  This is not required reading.  It is meant for a personal insight into my persona.

Ever since I was a little girl I have been sensitive.  Whenever I am criticized I can’t help but burst into tears.  Once, in fourth grade, I got a math problem wrong.  My teacher corrected me and my eyes welled with tears.  I couldn’t stand to be unsuccessful; I still can’t. 

I have always been scared and I always will be.  I was a bit of a nervous child and I am a nervous adult.  All I want in life is to be successful; successful in love, careers, happiness, and my relationships.  When I get close to the border of unsuccessfulness I become panic-stricken and go as far from that border as I can. 

I can wish all I want that everyone would love me as my parents do, but that doesn’t mean it will come true.  Perhaps in the end, those that do not understand me may make an effort to do otherwise.  Thanks for reading.